Dad update-Feeling sad

Yesterday I received a call from my brother-a second call in as many weeks. He rarely calls just to say hi (Okay, sometimes he does, but very rarely) or to see how I'm doing; Or it's one of those all-in-one calls...those "how are you doing, and by the way" kind of calls. I knew this was most likely about Dad.

He called 2 weeks ago to tell me that they had moved Dad up to the third floor. Let me explain. He is in an Alzheimer's care facility. The first floor is for ambulatory patients and people who are still pretty with it mentally and are fairly self sufficient and have little decline. Folks on the second and third floors respectively have decreasing levels of self-sufficiency and are much less to not ambulatory. They have much more mental decline.

My brother called this time to tell me that Dad has been moved to the third floor and that he has gone from mid-stage six right to stage seven Alzheimer's. No more stages after this one.

When we were there in September, he still knew who we were, and could recall things fairly well, although he would slip away and, when asked a question, would start to answer it correctly, but would then change halfway through and have an answer to a completely different answer. He did have moments of absolute clarity and then would slip away. I could look right into his eyes, though and see him. My Dad was still there. Slipping away, but still there at times.

Now apparently he is highly agitated and doesn't want to eat. He was having a difficult time eating much when we were there in September; A trend I saw happening. We'd get there around dinner and he would stop eating to visit with us. We stopped coming around dinner or would wait out of sight until after dessert. All he wants to eat is sweets-chocolate chip cookies or anything soft and sweet. They did have him on Ritalin but had been cutting that back last we were there because all he did was drool and mumble. Now because he has been so agitated, they are putting him back on something that will calm him down and make him "comfortable," in my brothers words, because their focus has changed from trying to keep him occupied and moving to keeping him comfortable and calm because he is stage 7.

I absolutely understand this and want Dad to be comfortable and calm. I want what is best for him. It's a terribly hard place to be in, as my Dear Friend Elfkat knows. She is going through exactly the same thing with her Mother right now. It's a difficult thing to see your parent half-in this life, and half-out of it. You of course don't want them to go, but you can't stand seeing them in such overwhelming pain. It's so hard to be so damn far away from him. I'm still ready to go at a moments notice. I want to be there right now.

Dad now just mumbles and reaches for things that aren't there. He is completely wheelchair bound and he cannot hold himself up, hold up his head or smile. He probably doesn't want to eat for various reasons, one of them being he is probably having trouble swallowing. He is going downhill really fast. When we were there last he could still hold up his head and smile a little and laugh a little too. My guess is that this time, he most likely will not recognize us right away, and maybe not at all.

My Dad and I, September 2006